Question:I have bad PMS, and so for about two weeks every month I’m on an emotional roller coaster. This has done real damage to our sex life. My husband has basically given up initiating sex since I so frequently turn him down, and he has a really hard time understanding what I go through. I do not know what to do.
Answer:
PMS is real! It affects the quality of life for millions of women, yet too many couples do not realize there are ways to battle this problem. Begin by identifying the specific symptoms you experience. Typical symptoms include fatigue, depression, irritability, angry outbursts, cravings for sweet and/or salty foods, headache, abdominal bloating, anxiety, confusion, difficulty with concentration and/or memory, swollen hands or feet, tender breasts and tearfulness. Next, keep a log of the dates you experience certain symptoms. On your monthly chart, mark your symptoms with a number from 0 to 10, indicating the severity of the symptom on a given day.
These charts will enable you to predict the onset of your internal warfare and plan ahead for its effects. Plan positive sexual times for you and your husband for the two weeks leading up to your symptoms. Then, depending on the severity of your PMS, plan for the type of sexual encounter that would meet your needs and help relieve your stress during that difficult time. For example, you might enjoy being caressed everywhere except your breasts and genitals. Alternatively, you may not want to be touched anywhere, but would enjoy caressing your husband. During those difficult two weeks, make time in your schedule for extra rest. Schedule a “walk-and-talk” time together to occur before your sexual time. Begin your actual physical time with a relaxing spa or a warm shower. Planning for your PMS will reduce the damage to your sex life and increase your husband’s understanding. It might also be possible to treat your PMS. Which may include healthy life style, vitamin supplementation and symptomatic treatment from your doctor.
Question:
I have been married to my wife for 10 years, and she has been cheating the whole time. She decided to stop cheating and wants to build our relationship, but to be quite honest, I am horrible with sex, romance and foreplay. I always have to ask her for sex and most of the time, she just does it with me because I nag her to death. I need advice on how to get what I want with sex, foreplay and love. My confidence level is so low and I am also about 20 kilos overweight. Plus, I get off in like one minute and although I’ve been reading about how to be a better lover, frankly, it is just not helping. Please help!
Answer:
It can be disturbing when one finds out that ones partner cheats. However, it is more disturbing when the real reason for the cheating falls on ones shoulder, in this case, failure to satisfy the partners sexual needs. Reading sex guide will be rather a futile attempt if one has no interest in sex. On the other hand, it is just not right to have sex with no feelings. Sex is not just a physical thing; it involves emotion and bonding between the partners. May be sex is not what the woman want, it is the caring and the loving. That is probably the reason why the partner decides to stop cheating and wants to build the relationship. Tender loving care is not just humping. It is more than that. The touching is more enjoyable than the penetration and after all, once ejaculation has taken place, the curtain falls. It is different when the skin touches the lips are locked and passion flows. Oral sex can be wonderful and pleasurable as well. Do something about the weight and stop nagging. Seek professional help when one has rapid ejaculation. There are numerous treatment options available. It is advisable for both couples to see the doctor so that both parties are aware and would be able to help each other. After all that is what marriage is all about caring for each other.
ESP – Enjoyable Safe Pleasure – Your Intimate Care Partner
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Question:
Hello dr! I’ve been married for almost 7 months now, and I’ve noticed that my husband’s libido/interests in sex is kinda decreasing. I understood that he had been busy with his work lately. On the other note, I thought generally all men love to watch porn. My hubby do watch it before, but now he had stopped watching it. Reason-he said its too fake and boring. There are times I’ve invited him to watch together (I do watch porn for thoughts and tips, not addicted) he refused. If I had my period and didn’t have intercourse with him, he seems fine wit it… even up to 2 weeks or more! He’s never even bothered to ask if my period had ended or so.. I’ve confronted him saying how come he’s not being intimate or touchy with me, he just said that he thought I was still bleeding. He said he wouldn’t know until I told him that I’ve completely mense-free. Does it hurt for him to ask if I’ve finished my menses or try asking for sex..? Is it normal for some guys who don’t watch porn? I’ve noticed that it is me whose going all the way up to him from rubbing, caressing etc. Then it’ll start. I’m quite sexually emotional in this matter…How to make him addicted to have sex with me more often? How to make him have the urge of wanting to have sex with me? I’m quite an attractive woman with nice proportions of my body 5 according to him and most people), I’m not being a modest here but it sounds stupid if he finds me unattractive and no sex appeal. Please help me. Thanks dr..
Answer:
Looks like you have done your very best to seduce him and he seems to be cool about it. What was he like when he was chasing you before you tied the knot. For some guys the chasing and hunting part is interesting for them and the moment they get what they wanted, the chasing cools off and life becomes usual, that is back to routine and that is going to work and earning money. For some guys, once they are hitched they take life seriously and they take their partner for granted. They need to be reminded most of the time in a subtle way and they never like to be criticized. You may as well start everything for him, practically take care of him and pamper him the way mummy takes care of her boy and you provide what mummy cannot give him and that is sex. He will love you for that. You don’t have to wait for him to make the move, you make the move and he will take it from there. Continue with your seduction and take him as he is, after all he is the man you married.
Question:
I have a miserable problem. It’s regarding the length of my penis. At a flaccid position, it is only 2 inches in length. Upon erection, it only extends to 4 inches. For your information, I’m also overweight. I stand at 171 cm and weigh 95 kg. I’m afraid to get married as I’m worried that my future wife will be disappointed when she looks at my penis. Would I able to satisfy a woman with a short penis? Would she complain about the length?
Answer:
The penis has always been the precious possession of the male and an organ to be proud of if one is well endowed. On the other hand, an enormous genital will strike terror to the female partner. Obsessing about penis size is nothing new. Erotic art throughout history is full of examples of exaggerated phalluses. When it came to depicting a heroic personage in erotic art, the size of the penis often symbolized the man’s vigour or sexual power. In the woman perspective, size is least thought about. The size of the man’s hearts is what that matters and the romance.
What is the average penis size? The reported statistics vary, but some of the more credible measurements taken from a sample of men in the National University of Singapore and a Well Man Clinic in Kuala Lumpur revealed that the average erect penis is between 10-14 cms when measured from the base of the penis to the tip along the top side. The vast majority of erect penises (>85% of men) fell between 10-15 inches. A penis of less than 6cm in erected state will have difficulty with penetration. Obese man will appear to have a smallish phallus and this is because a good portion of the length is embedded in the fat! However, he will find he is not small after all. There are many so-called remedies to improve penile length and girth. It is always better to consult a doctor before one indulges into costly treatment. The so-called creams and capsules are useless and so also massaging the organ with various ‘magic’ oils. There is a penile extender device (Andropenis) that is already available in the market that can be used to add a few centimetres (between 2-5 cm) if applied correctly over a period of 9 hours for 4-6 months. Information on this device is available in www.drismailtambi.com
Question:
I’m a Muslim woman who is newly married. I have a question which I find embarrassing but I feel that I should clarify. From your background, I’m sure you are at liberty to provide some answers to my question. My husband and I are in the stage of exploring the wonders of lovemaking. Recently, he asked me to perform oral sex on him. I don’t really mind submitting to his request but is this actually permitted in Islam?
Answer:
Sexuality encompasses life and life events from womb to tomb which includes knowing one self, ones gender and roles and a small part of it involves sexual feelings, human relationship, sexual relationship, birth ,living and death. For Muslims sexuality is a sacred Path a Muslim partakes following the ‘sunnah’ of the Prophet Muhammad. Sex in Islam is taken seriously. It is not a subject for fun or mere absolute pleasure. Decency and due respect always characterize the subject. In Islam, sex is related to marital life and family life. It is viewed as a superior human relationship subject to strict regulations. Thus, sex within a marital relationship is a worship that is rewarded. Outside a marital relationship, sex is a punishable sin. It is forbidden for a Muslim man to have sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating.
Allah is clear on this subject:
“They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an “Atha” (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they have purified (from menses and have taken a bath). And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in their vagina)…” (2:222)The Holy Koran.
Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, is reported to have said, “Guard your private parts except from your wife or your slaves.” Muslim jurists are of the opinion that it is lawful for the husband to perform cunnilingus on his wife, or a wife to suck her husband’s penis (fellatio) and there is no wrong in doing so. But some say that if sucking leads to releasing semen, then it is Makrooh (blameworthy), but there is no decisive evidence (to forbid it).Therefore oral sex is permissible but not an obligation. Sex is wonderful if both parties enjoy and not endure.
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Question:
My partner regularly asks whether he can lick my bottom. He says that if I give it a try, I would love it. Until now, I have vehemently rejected his requests, saying it is disgusting. Is it disgusting? Is it unhealthy? Is my partner gay? Should I give it a try to satisfy my partner’s strange fetish?
Answer:
Lovemaking is a mutual experience if both partners are enjoying it. It can be more exciting if both parties explore the wonders of lovemaking like changing positions and indulging in oral sex. Probably the cleanest organ of the body is the genital area as it is well covered and cleaned. The skin of the genitals is sensitive and touching with hands will not be as pleasant as compared to the lips and the tongue. There is no harm trying oral sex if one would like to experience something different in lovemaking. This would give a chance for the partner to get closer to you and to taste you literally.