Question:
I’ve just delivered my first child a few weeks ago. I was told by my friends and colleagues that I can resume sexual activity after 40 days (or after the blood has dried up). However, my elderly relatives advised me that 60-100 days would be the best as the body needs plenty of time to heal. My husband and I were pretty active sexually before this and I don’t think we want to wait that long. How long exactly should the period of abstinence last?
Confined, Petaling Jaya
Answer:
So far not many women complain of the prolonged period of abstinence after childbirth, the so called ‘pantang’ period (also known as the puerperal period) except the husband who might have to gear up after the long absence of good sex.6 weeks are more than enough and that’s exactly what most Obstetricians would recommend and that too the women need to go for a postnatal check up before the green light is given. For most women who breastfed the lochia (the discharge from the uterus of blood, mucus and tissue during the puerperal period) dry up within 3 weeks and for those women who cannot breastfeed for some reasons or other the lochia will dry in 5-6 weeks. The post partum check up is still important before the woman can resume sex.
Monthly Archives: October 2011
Multiple Orgasms
Question:
I’ve heard about multiple orgasms in women. I’ve been sexually active for 5 years but I’ve yet to experience this. Can a woman really achieve this during one session of intercourse? What do I need to do to experience this?
Adventurous, Melaka
Answer:
I bet only sex machines can do that! Having one orgasm is so exhausting and having multiple climaxes can be next to seeing your Maker! After all that’s exactly what happens when you climax, you actually feel that you are in Nirvana! Definitely not to remain there! Some women describe having multiple short climaxes and some mentioned about the powerful one that occurs once and you are totally zapped. Sex is to enjoy and not to endure and suffer. If you are able to enjoy lovemaking even without the climax and you are comfortable with it then let it be. There is nothing abnormal about that! If you can experience climax and enjoy it its good for you. If you by any chance experience something unusual which you believed is a series of short climaxes and you live to talk about it, this is something you can talk to your grandchildren about! Learn some good breathing techniques if you want to explore the realm of multiple climaxes, because controlled breathing can prolong your stamina and you can achieve your aim. Do read in the internet about this or talk to someone who has actually achieved this!
I’ve heard about multiple orgasms in women. I’ve been sexually active for 5 years but I’ve yet to experience this. Can a woman really achieve this during one session of intercourse? What do I need to do to experience this?
Adventurous, Melaka
Answer:
I bet only sex machines can do that! Having one orgasm is so exhausting and having multiple climaxes can be next to seeing your Maker! After all that’s exactly what happens when you climax, you actually feel that you are in Nirvana! Definitely not to remain there! Some women describe having multiple short climaxes and some mentioned about the powerful one that occurs once and you are totally zapped. Sex is to enjoy and not to endure and suffer. If you are able to enjoy lovemaking even without the climax and you are comfortable with it then let it be. There is nothing abnormal about that! If you can experience climax and enjoy it its good for you. If you by any chance experience something unusual which you believed is a series of short climaxes and you live to talk about it, this is something you can talk to your grandchildren about! Learn some good breathing techniques if you want to explore the realm of multiple climaxes, because controlled breathing can prolong your stamina and you can achieve your aim. Do read in the internet about this or talk to someone who has actually achieved this!
vaginal tightening creams
Question:
After having four children, I don’t feel that my vagina is as tight as it used to be and worry if I am still pleasing my husband. I have seen ads for vaginal tightening creams but wonder what they contain and what they actually do. Are they effective and most importantly, are they safe?
Hot Mama, Seremban
Answer:
Of course it goes without saying that the vagina after repeated delivery will tend to loose it rugae (folds of mucosa) and probably will tend to be more slippery and could not hold the penis unless the vaginal muscles are tort and able to clench. Unfortunately the tone of the vaginal muscles also is affected by repeated vaginal deliveries. Therefore it is not surprising some women chose Caesarean Delivery rather than vaginal delivery, which of course comes with its own set of complications! Why cut if you can go natural! The answer to vaginal tightness and suppleness is not vaginal repair operation which means another cut and therefore scars but the Kegel’s Pelvic Floor Exercises. The pelvic floor muscles that actually cut off urine flow when you hold your urine is that very same muscles which you need to work on diligently. Make sure you have actually easy yourself before you work on your sex muscles if you do not want to suffer from bladder problems! Vaginal creams and jells that contain plant extracts of Oak gall, Kacip Fatima and Serapat contains tannins that can be a good astringent and tightens the vaginal mucosa by expelling mucosal fluid. If excessive vaginal fluid is lost the vagina can become dry and sex can be uncomfortable for both! Your best bet will be Kegel’s exercise.
After having four children, I don’t feel that my vagina is as tight as it used to be and worry if I am still pleasing my husband. I have seen ads for vaginal tightening creams but wonder what they contain and what they actually do. Are they effective and most importantly, are they safe?
Hot Mama, Seremban
Answer:
Of course it goes without saying that the vagina after repeated delivery will tend to loose it rugae (folds of mucosa) and probably will tend to be more slippery and could not hold the penis unless the vaginal muscles are tort and able to clench. Unfortunately the tone of the vaginal muscles also is affected by repeated vaginal deliveries. Therefore it is not surprising some women chose Caesarean Delivery rather than vaginal delivery, which of course comes with its own set of complications! Why cut if you can go natural! The answer to vaginal tightness and suppleness is not vaginal repair operation which means another cut and therefore scars but the Kegel’s Pelvic Floor Exercises. The pelvic floor muscles that actually cut off urine flow when you hold your urine is that very same muscles which you need to work on diligently. Make sure you have actually easy yourself before you work on your sex muscles if you do not want to suffer from bladder problems! Vaginal creams and jells that contain plant extracts of Oak gall, Kacip Fatima and Serapat contains tannins that can be a good astringent and tightens the vaginal mucosa by expelling mucosal fluid. If excessive vaginal fluid is lost the vagina can become dry and sex can be uncomfortable for both! Your best bet will be Kegel’s exercise.
Could a man tell if you are not a virgin (or if you are) when you engage in sexual intercourse with him for the first time?
Question:
Could a man tell if you are not a virgin (or if you are) when you engage in sexual intercourse with him for the first time?
Like a Virgin, Penang
Answer:
If a man were to have sexual intercourse with a woman both will lose their virginity status. A virgin man will not be able to identify the virginity of his partner unless he examines her under anesthesia to see if she has an intact hymen or otherwise. He will then need to be a doctor and need to do this in an operation theatre! If she does not have an intact hymen this does not prove that she had penetrative sex with a man because inserting an artificial penis or any rod liked object can cause the hymen to tear and if the hymen is torn by that process then she is still untouched by a man, still a virgin!
Could a man tell if you are not a virgin (or if you are) when you engage in sexual intercourse with him for the first time?
Like a Virgin, Penang
Answer:
If a man were to have sexual intercourse with a woman both will lose their virginity status. A virgin man will not be able to identify the virginity of his partner unless he examines her under anesthesia to see if she has an intact hymen or otherwise. He will then need to be a doctor and need to do this in an operation theatre! If she does not have an intact hymen this does not prove that she had penetrative sex with a man because inserting an artificial penis or any rod liked object can cause the hymen to tear and if the hymen is torn by that process then she is still untouched by a man, still a virgin!
Sexual Addiction: The King of all addiction?
If nicotine in cigarettes or caffeine in coffee can tune your brain and get you hooked on them, you should consider yourself lucky if you are not hooked on all the various chemical neurotransmitters like the amino acids Glutamic acid, GABA, Aspartic acid, the peptides namely vasopressin, somatostatin and neutotensin ,monoamines like norepinerine,dopamine and serotonin,acetylcoline ,opoid peptides like beta endorphine,endogenous cannabinoids (brain marijuana) that trickle out when you climaxes during sexual intercourse. If you are hooked then your are a sexual addict!You will, find that you will do anything just to get the sexual elixir fix.
The term sexual addiction is used to describe the behavior of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or obsession with sex. Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the sex addict’s thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships. Sex addicts engage in distorted thinking, often rationalizing and justifying their behavior and blaming others for problems. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions. Sexual addiction also is associated with risk-taking. A person with a sex addiction engages in various forms of sexual activity, despite the potential for negative and/or dangerous consequences. In addition to damaging the addict’s relationships and interfering with his or her work and social life, sexual addiction also puts the person at risk for emotional and physical injury. For some people, the sex addiction progresses to involve illegal activities, such as exhibitionism (exposing oneself in public), making obscene phone calls, or molestation. However, it should be noted that sex addicts do not necessarily become sex offenders. Behaviors associated with sexual addiction include: Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation)
Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs)
Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands
Consistent use of pornography
Unsafe sex
Phone or computer sex (cybersex)
Prostitution or use of prostitutes
Exhibitionism
Obsessive dating through personal ads
Voyeurism (watching others) and/or stalking
Sexual harassment
Molestation/rape
Sexual groping/frotteur(masturbate while touching others in crowd)
Generally, a person with a sex addiction gains little satisfaction from the sexual activity and forms no emotional bond with his or her sex partners. In addition, the problem of sex addiction often leads to feelings of guilt and shame. A sex addict also feels a lack of control over the behavior, despite negative consequences (financial, health, social and emotional).
Most sex addicts live in denial of their addiction, and treating an addiction is dependent on the person accepting and admitting that he or she has a problem. In many cases, it takes a significant event — such as the loss of a job, the break-up of a marriage, an arrest or health crisis — to force the addict to admit to his or her problem.Treatment of sexual addiction focuses on controlling the addictive behavior and helping the person develop a healthy sexuality. Treatment includes education about healthy sexuality, individual counseling, and marital and/or family therapy. In some cases, medications used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder may be used to curb the compulsive nature of the sex addiction.The self test score chart for sexual addiction below is a useful tool if one has doubt about ones position with regards to sex addition.
SEXUAL ADDICTION SELF TEST
If you answer yes to some of the 30 questions below, you may have a sexual addiction problem. The more yes answers, the more likely the problem is.
Do you frequently fantasize or think about sex?
Have you made promises to yourself or others to change or stop some of your sexual behavior, and then broken these promises?
Does your sexual desire cause you to associate with people you wouldn’t normally be with or do things you wouldn’t usually do?
Has frequenting sex sites on the internet for sexual stimulation become a habit for you?
Do you frequently engage in sexual chat in sexually oriented chat rooms on the internet?
Is masturbation a frequent activity for you?
Do you have or have you had an extensive collection of pornography or other X-rated material?
Have you gotten rid of a pornography collection and then started collecting it again?
Do you with some regularity rent (or buy or make your own) X-rated videos?
Do you like to “channel cruise” on TV to find sexually stimulating scenes, or do you subscribe to cable in order to view sexually explicit programs?
Or do you stare at scrambled (blocked) sex channels for the occasional fragments of clear images of sexual material?
Are you attracted to phone sex?
Do you frequent topless clubs?
Do you frequent modeling studios for sex?
Do you go to massage businesses where you are able to obtain sexual massages?
Do you frequent adult bookstores for sexual excitement or sexual activity?
Do you frequent, or have you frequented X-rated movie theatres?
Do you frequent other sexually-oriented businesses?
Does your regular sex partner frequently complain about the amount of sex or the type of sex you desire with him or her?
If you really think about it, could your demands of your partner be excessive or outside normal limits?
Or, do you suspect that your regular sex partner submits to your requests that may be excessive but doesn’t tell you?
Have you violated your marriage or other relationship by having sex or affairs with others?
Are you especially excited by sexual behavior that includes a risk of being caught?
Do you get a sexual thrill from exposing your private body parts to unsuspecting onlookers?
Do you have a habit of trying to get forbidden looks at people that give you sexual excitement?
Is anonymous sex with others a frequent indulgence you seek, or one you periodically return to?
Do you take advantage of opportunities to touch people sexually that you find attractive by touching them in a way that makes it seem accidental?
Are you an adult who engages in sexual activity with children?
Are you an adult who forces other adults to have sex with you against their will?
Have you been, or could you be arrested because of some of your sexual behavior
Does some of your sexual activity cause you to have a secret life hidden from significant others?
Does your sexual behavior or fantasy sometimes make you feel hopeless or depressed?
Have you been told by someone that your sexual behavior is excessive, inappropriate, or out of control?
The term sexual addiction is used to describe the behavior of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or obsession with sex. Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the sex addict’s thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships. Sex addicts engage in distorted thinking, often rationalizing and justifying their behavior and blaming others for problems. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions. Sexual addiction also is associated with risk-taking. A person with a sex addiction engages in various forms of sexual activity, despite the potential for negative and/or dangerous consequences. In addition to damaging the addict’s relationships and interfering with his or her work and social life, sexual addiction also puts the person at risk for emotional and physical injury. For some people, the sex addiction progresses to involve illegal activities, such as exhibitionism (exposing oneself in public), making obscene phone calls, or molestation. However, it should be noted that sex addicts do not necessarily become sex offenders. Behaviors associated with sexual addiction include: Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation)
Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs)
Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands
Consistent use of pornography
Unsafe sex
Phone or computer sex (cybersex)
Prostitution or use of prostitutes
Exhibitionism
Obsessive dating through personal ads
Voyeurism (watching others) and/or stalking
Sexual harassment
Molestation/rape
Sexual groping/frotteur(masturbate while touching others in crowd)
Generally, a person with a sex addiction gains little satisfaction from the sexual activity and forms no emotional bond with his or her sex partners. In addition, the problem of sex addiction often leads to feelings of guilt and shame. A sex addict also feels a lack of control over the behavior, despite negative consequences (financial, health, social and emotional).
Most sex addicts live in denial of their addiction, and treating an addiction is dependent on the person accepting and admitting that he or she has a problem. In many cases, it takes a significant event — such as the loss of a job, the break-up of a marriage, an arrest or health crisis — to force the addict to admit to his or her problem.Treatment of sexual addiction focuses on controlling the addictive behavior and helping the person develop a healthy sexuality. Treatment includes education about healthy sexuality, individual counseling, and marital and/or family therapy. In some cases, medications used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder may be used to curb the compulsive nature of the sex addiction.The self test score chart for sexual addiction below is a useful tool if one has doubt about ones position with regards to sex addition.
SEXUAL ADDICTION SELF TEST
If you answer yes to some of the 30 questions below, you may have a sexual addiction problem. The more yes answers, the more likely the problem is.
Do you frequently fantasize or think about sex?
Have you made promises to yourself or others to change or stop some of your sexual behavior, and then broken these promises?
Does your sexual desire cause you to associate with people you wouldn’t normally be with or do things you wouldn’t usually do?
Has frequenting sex sites on the internet for sexual stimulation become a habit for you?
Do you frequently engage in sexual chat in sexually oriented chat rooms on the internet?
Is masturbation a frequent activity for you?
Do you have or have you had an extensive collection of pornography or other X-rated material?
Have you gotten rid of a pornography collection and then started collecting it again?
Do you with some regularity rent (or buy or make your own) X-rated videos?
Do you like to “channel cruise” on TV to find sexually stimulating scenes, or do you subscribe to cable in order to view sexually explicit programs?
Or do you stare at scrambled (blocked) sex channels for the occasional fragments of clear images of sexual material?
Are you attracted to phone sex?
Do you frequent topless clubs?
Do you frequent modeling studios for sex?
Do you go to massage businesses where you are able to obtain sexual massages?
Do you frequent adult bookstores for sexual excitement or sexual activity?
Do you frequent, or have you frequented X-rated movie theatres?
Do you frequent other sexually-oriented businesses?
Does your regular sex partner frequently complain about the amount of sex or the type of sex you desire with him or her?
If you really think about it, could your demands of your partner be excessive or outside normal limits?
Or, do you suspect that your regular sex partner submits to your requests that may be excessive but doesn’t tell you?
Have you violated your marriage or other relationship by having sex or affairs with others?
Are you especially excited by sexual behavior that includes a risk of being caught?
Do you get a sexual thrill from exposing your private body parts to unsuspecting onlookers?
Do you have a habit of trying to get forbidden looks at people that give you sexual excitement?
Is anonymous sex with others a frequent indulgence you seek, or one you periodically return to?
Do you take advantage of opportunities to touch people sexually that you find attractive by touching them in a way that makes it seem accidental?
Are you an adult who engages in sexual activity with children?
Are you an adult who forces other adults to have sex with you against their will?
Have you been, or could you be arrested because of some of your sexual behavior
Does some of your sexual activity cause you to have a secret life hidden from significant others?
Does your sexual behavior or fantasy sometimes make you feel hopeless or depressed?
Have you been told by someone that your sexual behavior is excessive, inappropriate, or out of control?
The usage of lubricants
Question:
Recently, I have been experiencing vaginal dryness during intercourse. I’m considering the usage of lubricants. What are the types I should look for? My partner uses condom and I heard that using Vaseline can damage it. Is this true?
Dry Spell, Cheras Answer:
Vaginal dryness dampens sexual intercourse both for the woman and her partner since rubbing of sensitive dry skin brings pain and not pleasure. If the vagina is dry the chances are the woman is not fully aroused and if penetration is done a little bit too early then there is sexual displeasure. This needs to be rectified and the woman needs to indicate to her partner to penetrate once she is fully aroused and wet. Of course using vaginal lubricants help in facilitating sexual intercourse but may interfere with sperm viability.Waterbase lubricants are recommended since it is washable and not messy unlike oil based lubricant like Vaseline or petrolatum jelly and of course condoms do not do well with oil based lubricants since it can interfere with the integrity of the condom. The condom can break even under light pressure! The ESP Lubricating Gels would be a solution for you. It is close to nature!
Recently, I have been experiencing vaginal dryness during intercourse. I’m considering the usage of lubricants. What are the types I should look for? My partner uses condom and I heard that using Vaseline can damage it. Is this true?
Dry Spell, Cheras Answer:
Vaginal dryness dampens sexual intercourse both for the woman and her partner since rubbing of sensitive dry skin brings pain and not pleasure. If the vagina is dry the chances are the woman is not fully aroused and if penetration is done a little bit too early then there is sexual displeasure. This needs to be rectified and the woman needs to indicate to her partner to penetrate once she is fully aroused and wet. Of course using vaginal lubricants help in facilitating sexual intercourse but may interfere with sperm viability.Waterbase lubricants are recommended since it is washable and not messy unlike oil based lubricant like Vaseline or petrolatum jelly and of course condoms do not do well with oil based lubricants since it can interfere with the integrity of the condom. The condom can break even under light pressure! The ESP Lubricating Gels would be a solution for you. It is close to nature!