Dr.Care - ESPCare.com

Question:Warm regards to you. I like to know why and how and ways to overcome it. My question is my level of climax is too fast.Not even 2 minutes. Why is that so? Thank you.

Answer:
You are actually suffering from a condition known as rapid ejaculation and this happens because you do it in a hurry! When you are doing it in a hurry you will lose your focus and concentration and will ejaculate fast besides not getting what you and your partner aim for. Imagine you are doing a run and you make a dash from the very beginning, you will find yourself pretty exhausted halfway and will not be able to compleete the run. The same thing will happen to you when you make love to your partner in the same manner. You start your love making with heated passion. This will make you lose your concentration and focus. This willl result with you losing control and ejaculate. Try to take it easy by first warming up and take time to do the penetration. Firm up the pelvic floor muscles when you do the penetration and contol your pelvic thrust when you penetrate. Keep the penis in the vagina when you maintain the pelvic thrust so that the tip of the penis gets less pressure. You can put more pressure to the vaginal opening with the base of your penis and when you are ready you can do rapid pelvic thrust to increase pressure to the vaginal entrance, focussing on the clitoris and roof of vagina. As you are doing the pelvic thrusting you continue firming up your pelvic floor muscles so that in the event you ejaculate your erection is still firm enough to give more stimulation to the vagina to make your partner climax. This technique of lovemaking is known as Coital Alignment Technique. You need to practice this technique regularly to get use to it. If you still have problems you need to consult a doctor.

Soalan:

salam sejahtera. saya ingin tahu kenapa dan mengapa, dan bagaimana hendak mengubatinya.
soalan saya, tahap kelimaks saya begitu cepat sekali. tidak sampai 2 minit. kenapa? sekian terima kasih.

Jawapan:
Anda sebenarnya mengalami masalah cepat klimaks atau ‘rapid climax’ dan ia berlaku kerana anda terlalu gelojoh! Dalam keadaan demikian, anda hilang tumpuan dan daya kawalan maka ejakulasi cepat selain tidak mengikut kehendak anda serta pasangan. Bayangkan anda berlumba lari dan pecut dengan cepat dari peringkat awal, sudah tentu ketika anda sampai ke pertengahan jalan daya dan tenaga seterusnya hilang kekuatan serta tidak dapat meneruskan larian. Perkara yang sama berlaku ketika anda bersetubuh dengan pasangan. Anda mulakan adegan bersetubuh secara mendadak dan dalam keadaan yang amat cergas. Sebahagian besar tenaga batin anda sudah lesap dan anda hilang daya tumpuan serta kekuatan. Akibatnya, anda semakin lemah dan tidak berdaya maka ejakulasi berlaku tanpa sedar atau terlepas! Cuba lakukan adegan pemanasan tanpa tergesa-gesa memasukkan ereksi ke dalam faraj. Apabila perasaan teruja itu terkawal dan anda dapat mengawal kekuatan serta kepadatan ereksi dengan mengemut.Selepas itu, lakukan tusukan dalam kawalan (kemut ketika menyalurkan ereksi) dan lakukan pula tusukan ringan tanpa mengeluarkan zakar dengan penghujung zakar di ruang dalam faraj. Dengan cara demikian, penghujung zakar terhindar dari geselan yang mengancam. Anda boleh melebihkan geselan pangkal zakar ke pembukaan faraj yang mana bahagian itu yang paling padat. Apabila anda sudah mula dapat mengawal sensasi penghujung zakar maka barulah lakukan tusukan mengancam dengan menjungkitkan ereksi ke atas supaya geselan ereksi terkena klitoris. Selepas itu, barulah anda lakukan tusukan mengikut selera dan rentak gerakan pasangan. Anda boleh lakukan tusukan dengan mengemut supaya ereksi tetap padat ketika geselan sedang berlaku. Dalam keadaan itu, jika ejakulasi berlaku, anda masih dapat mengekalkan ereksi seketika dengan meneruskan tusukan sehingga pasangan dapat kepuasan. Kaedah itu dikenali sebagai ‘coital alignment’ dan anda perlu mempraktikkannya sehingga anda lancar. Jika masih gagal dapatkan bantuan doktor untuk rawatan sewajarnya.

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Question:
My 2 1/2 year old daughter has her own bedroom, but she’s afraid to stay in it at night. I think she should feel welcome to sleep with me and my husband until she’s ready to be on her own, but my husband says it’s ruining our sex life. We still fit in some quickies from time to time, and it seems to me that our daughter’s emotional security is more important than how often my husband and I are getting off. This issue has turned into a real problem between us, and we can hardly even talk about it without getting really upset. Can you help us to settle this argument?

Answer:
Bringing up a child is the responsibility of both parents. Children need to be rewarded for any achievement and that include staying in their own bedroom. Encouraging then to sleep in or co-sleeping every time they are afraid is not the best solution for both parties. Critics of bed sharing have argued that co-sleeping may interfere with a child’s development, create psychological problems, or compromise a youngster’s sleep habits However, there are two sides to the controversy. Some parents and experts argue that bed sharing with parents makes for comforted, tantrum-free children, and may even help their sleeping patterns. Others have claimed that bed sharing leads to a healthy sense of self for a child and to stronger, closer parent-child relationships. Recent studies show that children who bed-share are not more likely to have emotional problems than children who don’t, and that bed sharing before 6 years of age appears to have no major impact on a child’s development or behavior.

Many psychologists feel strongly that parents and children should be sleeping in their own beds. Parents should get kids excited about the independence of sleeping in their own room. Make a game out of it, giving them gold stars or rewards for making progress. Start a new habit of going into your child’s room and reading a bedtime story but do not sleep there. Comfort your child by being available, but allow co-sleeping only on special circumstances (such as the occasional thunderstorm).

To help a child overcome fear of the dark, it would be helpful to buy a lamp dimmer, so that the child will feel more comfortable and safe. Draw the threshold and make it clear that your bedroom is off limits. It may be difficult at first, but in a short time, children will develop their own methods of soothing themselves and feel safe, secure and comfortable under their own covers.

ESP - Enjoyable Safe Pleasure - Your Intimate Care Partner

Question:
My husband and I have a wonderful sex life, but right after we have intercourse he almost immediately falls asleep. I, on the other hand, could go another round, go for a jog, clean the house. I’m so full of energy. It doesn’t matter what time of day or night it is. Why does sex always knock him out while it gives me this super energy boost?

Answer:
Many women out there would give their right arm for an answer to this one. Therefore, here goes. One or more of the following reasons usually account for why a man falls into a post-coital stupor:

1. They are tired to begin with, and sex helps them relax and let go — figuratively and literally.
2. The hormones men and women produce at orgasm namely Oxytocin and the natural opiate Beta-Endorphins can lead to the desire to lie back in the afterglow, and that sense of physical peace often leads to sleep.
3. The ejaculatory release for men, and the inherent letting down of bodily tension, makes men physically tired.
4. Most people (again, men and women) hold their breath during sex, breathe shallowly or do not focus on breathing. There is a possibility that he is not breathing deeply. That gives him oxygen deprivation, which causes sleepiness. In addition, it could (rare, though) persist into the next day.

Here is my explanation about his post coital stupor. He is probably fatigued before sex and all of those sensations — including orgasm — just propel him into the state for which his body is yearning: rest.

In rare cases, men who are exhausted by sex may have a medical condition. If you suspect something more serious, make sure your husband sees his doctor for a complete physical.

ESP - Enjoyable Safe Pleasure - Your Intimate Care Partner

Question:
My husband gets offended if I wash off with water after sex. I do it because it’s much more comfortable for me to go to sleep if I’m all cleaned up and because it helps prevent yeast infections, which I’m prone to getting. He thinks it’s prudish and says that it ruins it for him. How can I get him to understand that I need to do this and that it’s normal?

Answer:
To wash after making love might make it more difficult for the woman to get pregnant because the semen is not settled and movement will only expel it and exposure to soap and water can destroy the active sperms. If your husband is aware of this, he is actually upset because you are actually practising family planning without his consent. If you have children and are not planning for one immediately then washing after sex is no longer an issue, at least no longer his issue but yours because of the various reasons you have mentioned like cleanliness and avoiding fungus infection. If he is not clear about this then you need to inform him. If he is still not clear, you need to take him to your family doctor for a briefing.

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Question:I have bad PMS, and so for about two weeks every month I’m on an emotional roller coaster. This has done real damage to our sex life. My husband has basically given up initiating sex since I so frequently turn him down, and he has a really hard time understanding what I go through. I do not know what to do.

Answer:
PMS is real! It affects the quality of life for millions of women, yet too many couples do not realize there are ways to battle this problem. Begin by identifying the specific symptoms you experience. Typical symptoms include fatigue, depression, irritability, angry outbursts, cravings for sweet and/or salty foods, headache, abdominal bloating, anxiety, confusion, difficulty with concentration and/or memory, swollen hands or feet, tender breasts and tearfulness. Next, keep a log of the dates you experience certain symptoms. On your monthly chart, mark your symptoms with a number from 0 to 10, indicating the severity of the symptom on a given day.

These charts will enable you to predict the onset of your internal warfare and plan ahead for its effects. Plan positive sexual times for you and your husband for the two weeks leading up to your symptoms. Then, depending on the severity of your PMS, plan for the type of sexual encounter that would meet your needs and help relieve your stress during that difficult time. For example, you might enjoy being caressed everywhere except your breasts and genitals. Alternatively, you may not want to be touched anywhere, but would enjoy caressing your husband. During those difficult two weeks, make time in your schedule for extra rest. Schedule a “walk-and-talk” time together to occur before your sexual time. Begin your actual physical time with a relaxing spa or a warm shower. Planning for your PMS will reduce the damage to your sex life and increase your husband’s understanding. It might also be possible to treat your PMS. Which may include healthy life style, vitamin supplementation and symptomatic treatment from your doctor.

ESP - Enjoyable Safe Pleasure - Your Intimate Care Partner

Question:
I have been married to my wife for 10 years, and she has been cheating the whole time. She decided to stop cheating and wants to build our relationship, but to be quite honest, I am horrible with sex, romance and foreplay. I always have to ask her for sex and most of the time, she just does it with me because I nag her to death. I need advice on how to get what I want with sex, foreplay and love. My confidence level is so low and I am also about 20 kilos overweight. Plus, I get off in like one minute and although I’ve been reading about how to be a better lover, frankly, it is just not helping. Please help!

Answer:
It can be disturbing when one finds out that ones partner cheats. However, it is more disturbing when the real reason for the cheating falls on ones shoulder, in this case, failure to satisfy the partners sexual needs. Reading sex guide will be rather a futile attempt if one has no interest in sex. On the other hand, it is just not right to have sex with no feelings. Sex is not just a physical thing; it involves emotion and bonding between the partners. May be sex is not what the woman want, it is the caring and the loving. That is probably the reason why the partner decides to stop cheating and wants to build the relationship. Tender loving care is not just humping. It is more than that. The touching is more enjoyable than the penetration and after all, once ejaculation has taken place, the curtain falls. It is different when the skin touches the lips are locked and passion flows. Oral sex can be wonderful and pleasurable as well. Do something about the weight and stop nagging. Seek professional help when one has rapid ejaculation. There are numerous treatment options available. It is advisable for both couples to see the doctor so that both parties are aware and would be able to help each other. After all that is what marriage is all about caring for each other.

ESP - Enjoyable Safe Pleasure - Your Intimate Care Partner