Dr.Care - ESPCare.com

Question:
I’m 23 and have just started being sexually active. My problem is my vagina feels pain and sore whenever my partner uses a condom. Without it, everything is fine. Both of us feel that using condoms is the best and safest way of contraception and we would like to stick to it. How do I remedy this problem?

Answer:
Some man and woman experience adverse effects with condoms. They are allergic to the additives that are present in the condom besides the proteins and the lubricants. With new generation condoms that are hypo allergenic this is no longer an issue and if some mild effects are present like mild pain and soreness, the reasons might be the dryness of the vagina and maybe the prolonged friction brought by the less sensitive penis(less sensitive because of the condom).In these cases a good water based lubricant would help. If this too does not help then you need to consider other method, like the pill for example or non penetrative sex for contraception

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Question:
Hi there! I’ve been married to a wonderful guy in August 2008. I was a virgin until I got married. I do know lots of techniques, positions and tips although I’m not involved practically, thanks to the info on the net these days!
First month of our marriage was good, I took almost 10 days to get penetrated, it was very hurtful. After that, all had been smooth sailing till he left to his country. We were together for at least 20 days from the day we got married, minus the 10 days of inable to penetrate, 7 days of my period, so we had good sex for about 3 days till he went back. I was back alone in my country for 1month without him (visa waiting).Now I’m with him and it’s been a month now. First 2 weeks our sex was really good, and then I noticed he started to slow down or get excited quickly. We\’re not planning to have kid at the moment, and he loves the pull out method. Using condom is very disturbing for both of us and we decided to just go on without it but every time he gets climaxed, he pulled it out, that where I will be frustrated because I was almost cum. He even inserts 3 fingers n it was so smooth and I’ll ask him to go faster, but I can’t feel it coming. Am I being loose down there or? Even during sexual intercourse, its very hard for me too feels it nowadays. So I’ll ask him to do faster because it excites me but he will get tired easily. These days we had been just cuddling and kissing on the bed n he’ll go to sleep after that. Is this a normal situation for newly married? On the other hand, I will get upset so fast and emotional because didn’t get to do it. What is happening to us doctor? Any ways too speed up his libido and to make me feel the climax? I’ve spoken to him and he told me he’s too tired because of the office work. He wanted it but he tries to cut down quickly everytime he caresses my private parts.

Answer:
So the honeymoon is over and back to day to day activities. When things get out of tune then you got to get it fixed, together as a team and not through tantrums. You mentioned that you were a virgin before marriage. It’s like getting a car and you have never driven it before, then you learn to drive against all the odds and get through. Now you are getting the hang of it and you like to drive as often as you can even with the slightest excuse. You are driving your mate like you are driving that car! Lovemaking is not just getting off. You might get off but he has to work hard and stressed up. When one is stressed one has no control on oneself. That’s what happens to your mate. He was doing fine before you are broken in. Now its look like you has broken him! The signs of stress are tiredness, unable to focus or to concentrate and more so in love making, erection is short lasting and ejaculation is too fast. Maybe you need to slow down, do more non penetrative sex than penetrative sex. Enjoy body mutual contact and massages. Enjoy caressing with mouth and tongue. You can encourage him to tongue your clitoris. The gentle and moist touch of the tongue will drive you to nerve shattering climax. You can let him finger your G-spot, the area at the roof of your vagina,3cm from your vaginal entrance, with deep stroke and if you started to feel the urge to pass urine, that might be the sign of impending climax and maybe female ejaculation, just do it. You will not pee, the flow from your vagina is your ejaculations. You will notice that he will be strong and hardy in the morning and his flagpole will remain steady fast. This will be your opportunity to ride him on and you will be able to experience a headsplitting climax. Look into the positive side of lovemaking. You have got a long way to go. Always bring back the car to fill the tank full and not to get it overheated!

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Question:
I am 27, and I am still virgin. When i masturbate, I don’t really feel discharge (natural lubricant) coming out from vagina, and because of this, I don’t dare to have sex with my boy friend. Is it because my age or because I am still a virgin? if really no discharge, how to overcome it? Can it be cure?

Answer:
You will probably notice that there is lots of saliva when you talk and yet the saliva does not dribble out of our mouth! Similarly, the vagina canal. No doubt when you masturbate by touching or rubbing your external genital organ and climax you will probably notice only the small area between your small lips become moist. This is because of the secretions of the vestibular glands. If you were to introduce your finger inside your vagina you will feel the lubrication at the entrance which is the secretion from the Bartholin glands. If you probe further and stimulate the upper part of the vagina you might hit the G-Spot and if you climax you would feel the copious secretions from there. So start exploring yourself and experience all these.

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Question:
I saw in an FAQ that many men were asking about how they could perform in the bedroom longer. Well my question is: Is there a way to get her to perform longer? We’ll both be engaging in sex for about 45 minutes, and a few minutes after making her orgasm twice, she’ll tell me that it is starting to hurt. Please let me know if there is something I can do. Thanks.

Answer:
Not everybody can be a sexual athlete. If both partners can perform, then they are made for each other. If one partner can and the other cannot, the partner who must be able to accept the fact that his/her partner is not equipped with that special thing to make them perform as a sexual athlete. After all sex is not a performance, it is a special intimate act that runs smoothly, comfortably and without coercion and at the end both parties enjoy each other and cherished the moments rather than enduring the discomfort and displeasure. Nobody is keeping the score board or the time here. If you are doing just that then what you are doing is not lovemaking, just plain sex.
Most women when they have climaxed will feel tired and their vaginal secretions will subside. They need another round of TLC before they are wet enough for another round of lovemaking. The third one will always be the most difficult, because they will be too tired and will not respond to TLC! If lovemaking were to be forced it will be like rape! The best thing you can do is to listen to her and maybe let her masturbate you if she is still awake or do again when she is fresh in the morning provided she is in the mood for it.

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Question:
My partner has been telling me that recently when we’re having sex she gets “too wet” and that it numbs her up and she can’t orgasm. Is that possible? I have no idea what to do, please help!
 
Answer:
Sex can be a wonderful experience if both parties enjoy every moment of it. If one party feels uncomfortable, the other party needs to make adjustment to ensure the issue is resolved. Sometimes it takes courage to make an appointment with the Sexologist or Therapist to discuss the situation and to get professional remedy. Being too wet can be a turn off to both the woman and her partner. Sometimes it is the women that feel the displeasure since the wetness is due to her partner’s precome secretions that were too abundant to her liking. If that is an issue, the partner needs to take antihistamine before having sex so that his precome is less copious. If on the other hand the copious secretions are coming from her she need to get herself examined if the secretions are due to vaginal irritations caused by some irritants or contaminations. This condition is known as leucorrhea or white discharge. Sometimes mild vaginal irritation can cause the discomfort and the numbing or blistering feeling and leucorrhea. If the secretions are just the result of hyperactive cervical secretions or vaginal mucosal lining, the secretions can also be reduced by taking antihistamines prior to sex. She can soaked her private part with alum to tighten the mucosa or take capsules of Oak Gall extract (available in most pharmacy as an OTC Product) and if all these measures are futile, she needs to see a Gynecologist.
 
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It has been suggested that regular work out gives strength and control of the mind over the body and if this is used to extend or prolong the time in intercourse, the same principal should work! However it is not as easy as it seems. If one is used to ejaculate fast through previous experience at masturbation, then the same thing would occur if not faster when one attempts sexual intercourse. But if one were to exert control and ensure that the sensation received during sexual intercourse does not reach the breaking point, that is the point of no return that would trigger ejaculation, then one would achieved ones desire in extending the time in intercourse. There are many approaches to exert control and maybe one of them might be just the trick for you.
 
The following techniques will be beneficial in delaying ejaculation:
 
The most common method men use is pulling out before they reach the orgasm. This method stipulates that men must anticipate the sensation of an impending orgasm. All men can anticipate when they reach orgasm, and at that point, they must stop the stimulation immediately. Obviously the women will need to be cooperative and understand when that point arrives. After a few minutes, the erection should soften a little and lovemaking can resume.
 
This technique has obvious benefits. First, women will have plenty of time to reach their orgasm. Second, your orgasm will be delayed with a higher intensity than usual. Remember it is all about timing; just make sure to pull out when the time is right.
 
The “stop and start” method – in this method, the man learns to recognize the stage after which he cannot control ejaculation. The treatment method trains the person to remove the stimulus just before that stage is reached so that the urge to ejaculate is controlled. For example, when during masturbation, the man reaches a point just before ejaculating; he stops the stimulus until he starts losing the erection. Once the stage is past, he can resume the activity. This process is repeated again and again until the individual is able to delay ejaculation till the time he wishes.
 
The squeeze technique – in this method, the partner gently squeezes the tip or base of the penis just before the point of ejaculation thereby “cancelling” the orgasm. This process can be continued until the couple decides mutually to reach the climax.
 
Desensitizing creams and gels are available in the market that reduce the sensitivity of the penis and help men reach climax later. Some men also feel that condoms reduce the sensations and in addition to providing safer sex, help them last longer. There are rubber penile constriction ring devices that can be placed at the base of the erect penis to give a firm grip and slight discomfort to the penis without injuring it. The dull unpleasant sensation will keep the mind off pleasant sensation that might trigger ejaculation and furthermore the constriction can keep the erection longer even if ejaculation has occurred. You can buy such devices in your friendly Pharmacy or local Medical Hall.
 
You can also experiment with sexual positions as some positions offer more control than others and may help to delay ejaculation.
 
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